Daily Connotations

Daily Connotations

Entropy Happens.
Join the madness.

You don't have to push the boundaries when you set the standards.

Connotation. 1. a. The configuration of suggestive or associative implications consitiuting the general sense of an abstract espression beyond its literal, explicit sense. b. A secondary meaning suggested by a word in addition to its literal meaning. 3. Logic The total of the attributes constituting the meaning of a term.

Observations, opinions, and ideas, all brought to you by Daily Connotations Company. Who Else?

May 2003
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Disclaimer: Any opinions contained on this page are those of, well, we don't really know who. Any offense taken to anything present should be directed to Sven, who will file and ignore your comments. Praise or compliments can be directed to either Dr. N, Dr. What, or Dr. Olga. All plagarized material has been tested and deemed satisfactory according to the esteemed code of Lehrer, version 2.3.
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Things We Like

Sven Bjorn Borg: Sven has been with d-con since its humble beginnings, and is responsible for punctuating, finances, guarding the office from rabid dogs and loud noises, and acting as mediator amongst the other members. Dr. Borge is well-known as the world's foremost (and perhaps only) underwater-basket-weaving expert. Sven has recently published no less than 3 books, Klingon Grammar and Vocabulary for humans, Life among the Grapes, and Escher, Bach, Gödel: A gigantic elastic bungalow. In it's copious spare time, the Sven enjoys playing the harpsichord and diagramming sentences. Sven is Chief of Staff and Director of Intelligence in the UPICN,LLC.
Dr. Bob William "The Orange" Lavoisier a.k.a. Dr. Henry Parsons: Dr. N, as we like to call him, is officially the initiator of the Daily Connotations Company, and also holds important Offices in the VVIIPP society of America and The Department of Redundancy Department, which is a place where he holds an important office in the department of redundancy. Henry also spent a good deal of his life studying the behavior of Walruses (Walri?) in the wild, inspired by a long-running correspondence with Mr. J. Lennon, who, in fact, convinced "The Orange" that he was, in fact, a walrus. Dr. Parsons' curriculum vitae is rounded out by his extensive family history (including a brother, Alan), and double Ph.D. honors in Botany and the Study of Scandinavian Languages. Recently, Dr. Henry Parsons was elected president of the UPICN,LLC
The Doctor a.k.a. Dr. What??: Dr. What joins us now as a member of d-Con in very good standing. It is important that the doctor not be confused with his slightly-more-popular brother, Doctor Who, who has carved a niche for himself in the field of time travel. Dr. What never developed the talent for time travel, and has the ability to visit only two distinct temporal locations: The beheading of John the Baptist and that one time when Stanley met Livingstone (or was it Livingstone met Stanley?) Consequently, he spends much of his time knitting (the scarves, natch) on the planet Gallifrey whilst (and at the same time) contemplating Nietzschean philosophies and memorizing much of Immanuel Kant's work, both in the original German.
Dr. Phelealabean: Dr. Phelealabean also uses the alias Dr. Olga Olathe Parsons-Uhlmer. Dr. Parsons-Uhlmer is a sister to Henry and Alan. She has a dual honorary doctorate in Arabian Literature and Language. She also has teaching experience at the University of Rekjavik which was held in a small grass-covered hut. She iswidowed after an incident involving her husband and abandonment which she is not allowed to discuss pending criminal charges. Now that she is alone, she enjoys spending summers with her brother, Henry, in his summer home, The Parsonon.

3.30.2004

A triumphal re-entry into the World of Golb!

Must be accompanied by a Wonderful Joke!

Or rather, a List!

Top Excuses used by Math/Physics Students for not doing homework:

* I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
* Isaac Newton's birthday.
* I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
* I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
* I put a speedometer on my homework, therefore since I know exactly how fast it's going, I don't know where it is.
* I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
* I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
* I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
* I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
* I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
* I finished the homework, but only for homework small enough to be considered a point in a frictionless, gravity-free world.
* Schrödinger's cat may or may not have eaten it.

*groan.

--Posted by s. on Tuesday, March 30, 2004.

3.25.2004

An apology in advance:

I am taking a leave of absence. Tomorrow my third molars are dismissing themselves from my head for good.

Any decline in quality/quantity observed here is either a direct result of the painkillers or a sign that the maxillofacial surgeon slipped and cut through my cerebral cortex.

--Posted by s. on Thursday, March 25, 2004.

I don’t get bored, because I carry a decidedly large universe around inside of my head. Everything in life is absolutely amazing simply because it is. I analyze things, I permute things, I stand things on their heads or backwards. Nothing is immune - my brain examines everything, because (I think) there is an underlying pattern that everything fits into and it is up to us to figure it out. Sociologically, psychologically, everything has got explanations but the explanations always lead to more questions - more things to analyze, more underlying patterns, general rules, and lucky guesses. Life is fascinating.

I wonder, sometimes, how people can live with themselves when they don’t have this wide-eyed wonder. When situations or circumstances are viewed as obstacles or setbacks rather than admired for the beauty or the irony inherent in them. Such a world-view would set up every person, every thing as an enemy - a deterring force - to yourself. It isn’t such a large medical and psychological leap to hypothesize that fighting against the whole world can’t be good for you! Increased stress? natch. Depression? perhaps. Blood pressure problems? prolly.

But medical effects aside, I simply cannot understand how or why someone could live like this. For me, it isn’t even a choice. Granted, I am pretty much absolutely a type B personality - laid back, easygoing, analytical, etc. (I run the risk of displaying my inner geek by saying I’m probably half vulcan!) And I realize that type A personalities do exist - but for me, it isn’t a personality choice, it’s an innate feature of myself. I couldn’t change the fact that I wouldn’t stress out or get excited over an interview or an argument or a nuclear meltdown any easier than I could change my sex or grow a sixth toe on my left foot. Perhaps the “fun” and “emotion” circuits in my brain were left disconnected for some reason.

I hope never to work. So far, so good. Working is something that you do to make money - and I hate money because its a status symbol - a pretense to hide behind. Granted, I spend large amounts of my time doing what some people call work, but I do it because i love it, I live and breathe and will eventually die for it.

--Posted by s. on Thursday, March 25, 2004.

3.23.2004

fragments---

Visit Opinions you Should Have today for an example of comedic brilliance in twelve words or less.

Lore Sjöberg is prettty opinionated, sometimes funny, but a little edgy.

On this day in 1775, Patrick Henry gave his famous "Give me Liberty or Give me Death!" speech.

Two quick jokes about quantum physicists:
Erwin Schrödinger: Wanted Dead and Alive
Werner Heiselberg was driving home from the lab one day when he was pulled over for speeding. Incredulously, the policeman asked him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" After a moment's thought, Heiselberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

(Ah, ah, I hear the laughing, yesno?!?)

"My work is a game. A very serious game" - - M. C. Escher

And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I'm right
where I belong, I'm right
where I belong.
Silly people run around,
they worry me and never ask me
why they don't get past my door.

I'm taking my time for a number of things
that weren't important yesterday
and I still go - - -

(lennon/mccartney)

See ya in the funny papers!

--Posted by s. on Tuesday, March 23, 2004.

3.18.2004

Can you imagine what it would be like to have three eyes?

I mean, three eyes that actually worked?

Would our brains be able to handle the increased information load? The fact that we can utilize the distance between our eyes to determine the distance between objects - depth perception - is amazing - especially because we can do it so fast! If you were given the numbers and angles and etcetera, you probably could figure it out - but certainly not immediately. But somehow your brain does all the work for you subconsiously.

(an interesting sidebar: wouldn't it be cool if we could take the work that your brain does subconsiously and put the math to it? Quickly? Prolly at least some of the people who impress us so much are able to just see the answer - and then put it in words or numbers)

But to have three eyes - three separate points from which you observe an object!

Would it actually improve your depth perception, or would it simply be extraneous information?

--Posted by s. on Thursday, March 18, 2004.

3.15.2004

Beware the Ides of March!

--Posted by s. on Monday, March 15, 2004.

3.14.2004

I don' know, I don' know!

--Posted by s. on Sunday, March 14, 2004.

3.10.2004

"I have kleptomania, but when it gets too bad, I take something for it."

*groan.

--Posted by s. on Wednesday, March 10, 2004.

3.08.2004

Inane Tests End Development

a series of alternate acronyms for your reading enjoyment

Inconspicuous teacher eating doughnuts
Idiots touch even dung
Interesting timber, eternal dungeon
If taken externally, Death!
I've tried everything, dude
In total ecstacy, darling
Interrogate timid enervated dancers
Intragalactic traveller: Extraterrestrially dislocated
Intelligence totals ever diminish
International Travesty: "Essential Development"

--Posted by s. on Monday, March 08, 2004.

Finally, some national recognition for the prairie-fighter's cause...............

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/8121224.htm

Federal deficit: Meet the other white meat

DAVE BARRY

TODAY'S TOPIC IS: Famous Hollywood Celebrities Having Sex With Squid! Actually, that is not today's topic. I'm just trying to attract readers to today's actual topic, which is: the federal budget deficit.

WAIT! Come back! This is an important topic! Especially if you are a young person, or belong to a future generation yet unborn. Boy are YOU in for a surprise in a few decades! Ha ha!

To help you understand what I am talking about, here's an explanation of the federal budget deficit in the ''Q.'' and ''A.'' format, which enables us to simplify complex issues, while at the same time wasting space:

Q. What is the federal budget deficit?

A. It is a gigantic number of dollars -- like 300 jillion skillion drillion -- that the federal government is spending, despite not actually having it.

Q. Is that legal?

A. It is if you have nuclear weapons.

Q. Why does the government spend so much money?

A. Because it must pay for important federal programs such as Social Security, the War on Terrorism, and the artificial rainforest in Iowa.

Q. The WHAT?

A. True fact: Just recently, Iowa Sen. Charles ''Chuck'' Grassley got the government to toss in $50 million for a project to build a tropical rainforest under a giant dome in Coralville, Iowa.

Q. How will they heat it in the winter?

A. We are guessing pig flatulence.

Q. What is the compelling national purpose for building an artificial rainforest in Iowa?

A. It will provide the nation with something that, in these difficult times, is desperately needed.

Q. Votes for Sen. Chuck?

A. Exactly. But also it will, theoretically, attract millions of theoretical tourists from all over the nation to Iowa, driven by the proven, unquenchable thirst of Americans to enjoy the rainforest-in-a-dome experience. The rainforest will also teach important educational lessons.

Q. Such as?

A. Such as that Congress is as trustworthy with money as a crack addict who is experimenting with heroin. It's not just the Iowa rainforest: This year Congress has voted to spend more than $10 billion on pork projects, including (these are all real expenditures) $200,000 for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, $2 million for a youth golf program, and $90,000 to study olive fruit flies in France.

Q. It's about time! If one of those olive flies gets up your nose, you might sneeze, and your martini is GONE.

A. That's why Congress is stepping in.

Q. So why is the deficit a problem?

A. Because it's going to get much, much worse when the baby boomers retire and start collecting Social Security. This will place a massive, crushing, horrendous, lifestyle-blighting financial burden on our children and future generations yet unborn.

Q. Serves them right, for Britney Spears.

A. True.

Q. Speaking of pig flatulence, what is our political leadership in Washington doing about the deficit problem?

A. Both the Democrats and the Bush White House are setting aside their partisan differences and working together on a courageous, long-term solution to the looming financial crisis, even if this requires them to make unpopular decisions in the short term.

Q. Ha ha! Seriously, what are they doing?

A. They're being total slime-weasels. They're spending MORE. They're pandering their brains out. The Republicans just added a hugely expensive new drug benefit for senior citizens, which the Democrats have bitterly criticized because it isn't expensive ENOUGH.

Q. In other words, our so-called ''leaders'' are buying senior citizen and Baby Boomer votes by piling massive debt on future generations?

A. Exactly! It's like going to a fancy restaurant and ordering everything on the menu, secure in the knowledge that, when the bill comes, you'll be dead.

Q. But surely we -- the baby boomers and senior citizens -- are not going to selfishly steal the future from our kids, and generations yet unborn!

A. Of course not! We're going to let the government steal it for us.

Q. Well, OK, then! It sure is a good thing that young people and generations yet unborn do not, as a rule, read the newspaper.

A. I'll say! If they ever found out about this, they'd be putting anthrax in the nation's Metamucil supply!

Q. Ha ha! And speaking of beverages, here's to a bright future for us older people!

A. I'll drink to that! Hold the olive.

Q. OK. You hold the squid.

--Posted by Kelly D. Norris on Monday, March 08, 2004.

3.02.2004

Teaching and learning. . .

The thought of living without learning is hardly even fathomable to me. . . I am madly in love with knowledge, with the thought of how things work, why things work, where the pieces fit together.

Thusly, the fact that I don't particularly care for school is interesting to me. Quite honestly, I don't believe that the system that has been developed to "eddykate" everyone is the most efficient or the most effective.

The process by which we accumulate and organize information is fascinating, especially because somehow our brains are sensitive enough to do this process invisibly - we don't consiously notice how we learn things (unless we are trying to - which isn't totally possible - consider Gšdel's Incompleteness Theorem - no system can observe itself)

For me, the time when I can see most clearly into my mental processes is in that grey area between waking and dreams. . .Words, sounds, emotions, concepts, smells, colors, memories. . .all fly in and out of my mind, not bound by syntax or grammar. This experience - removing the structure of thought (which I believe is not inherent) and leaving only the concepts in their sweetest, purest forms - and presumably in the order in which they should most naturally fall.

I can not remember exactly what goes on - the actof observing (that is, becoming aware of) the dream seems to make it fall apart.

But back to school - I love teaching people things. The look in their eyes when they finally "get it" is worth however many hours of effort we put in to get there. I only teach people who want to learn - who are driven by their own desire rather than some superficial motivation. I usually teach people in one-on-one or small group sessions - presenting something to a large group, while it may be beneficial for some, loses the magic because I don't get to see the individual responses and the personal growth that occurs.

In some ways, my teaching ability comes from an ability to fit concepts - fascinating philosophical or mathematical or religious or . . .you know. . concepts into language that connects with a person. While I can throw off an essay like this one with big intimidating words in about fifteen minutes (while doing a physics assignment, reading the news, and fixing supper. I also juggle, ride the unicycle, and walk the tightrope on occasion) , I can also take a concept and present it in a way that normal people - or "verbally-challenged" people can still understand. Sometimes it takes two or three tries - different analogies, connections, approaches to the concept. But with patience, time, and cooperation (not just him with me - the cooperation must be mutual) we eventually get there.

I may teach somewhere, someday. I certainly wouldn't write it out of my life for good. But I don't want to enter the "ed biz".

I feel sorry for my as-of-now non-existent children. They'll probably end up as guinea pigs!

--Posted by s. on Tuesday, March 02, 2004.